Dealing With The Pain

Her cries are still ringing in my ears as they pierced through the room. “It hurts!!… (sob)… It hurts so bad!!... (cry)… Can’t anyone do anything about this pain?... (sob)… It just hurts so bad!!! (cry)…” She would quiet down for a moment, and then begin again. “It hurts!!… (sob)… It hurts so bad!! (cry)… Can’t anyone do anything about this pain?? (sob)… It just hurts so bad!! (cry)…”

On and on and on she cried, having let go of any and all self-control due to the pain she felt. Joanne cried and cried and cried that night, loudly interrupting the sleep of 30 women in the room with her and 150 men across the other side of the barrier separating the men from the women. Our homeless shelter is used to evening interruptions, but the intensity and emotion of her cry was so poignant that you could feel it every time she opened her mouth. Finally, we called Emergency Medical Services.

To back up for a moment, when Joanne walked into the shelter, she appeared to be fine. She walked in on her own strength, and seemed cheerful and pleasant, as always. Upon signing in, she went right to bed, and appeared to be in no pain at all. But, Joanne struggles with addiction, and our best guess is that as she fell asleep and the drugs wore off, the pain, which the drugs so skillfully masked, was now being exposed. The pain was always there, but was not felt due to the illusory power of the drug.

As I was thinking about this, I thought about how true this is in so many of our lives. We carry pain; sometimes loads and loads of serious pain. But, we have become adept at dulling our pain. These “pain-relievers” can be actual drugs or alcohol, or a relationship, money, success, perhaps a certain career. It can be a level of education or attaining some great goal. It can be an experience or event; something we do. But the bottom line is that as long as our “drug” lasts, the pain is dulled and we don’t have to deal with it.

But, the reality is that at some point, our personal drug always wears off. The relationship may end, or the job may be terminated. The money runs out. The experience loses its impact. The praise ceases. But whatever it is, the “pain-reliever” has faded and the underlying wound, which was always there but pushed down, is now back in our face screaming to be dealt with. And at that moment, like Joanne, we all have a choice.

The choice that is before us when the pain screams again is simple: “D.E.A.L.” With It…

1) “D” - Decide To Stop Medicating – At some point, we have to turn off the illusions and get real. We have to stop medicating our pain, masking its existence in the hope that it will go away. We need to make a choice to deal with it, though that is far more difficult than continuing to simply relieve the pain. However, as lance Armstrong said: “Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but it will eventually subside and something else will take its place. If I quite, however, it lasts forever.”

2) “E” – Explore The Pain – Where did it some from? Why is the pain here? Are current events exclusively responsible, or are current events simply re-igniting a pain that has been dormant within for some time? Knowing the
source of your pain helps to disarm its power and gives you a clear path to take the next step…

3) “A” – Accept Responsibility For Getting Whole - The biggest challenge people have in dealing with their pain is the fact that in about 90% of the situations, the person in pain is not responsible for their pain. They are sufferers of abuse or neglect or abandonment or mistreatment. This can often lead to a bit of a “victim” mentality, where they are waiting for someone to come along and “fix” them. I know. I was hurt. And I allowed myself to become a victim, hoping that as one had hurt me, someone else would heal me. Time and experience “painfully” taught me that I need to heal myself, and this timeless
truth: Though others were responsible for causing my pain, only I am responsible for dealing with it.

4) “L” – Love Yourself, Respect Yourself, Be Good To Yourself – Dealing with your pain, and healing your pain, as I have learned, is a journey ultimately about loving yourself, respecting yourself, and being good to yourself. This is not some selfish, self-centered, “all about me” type of world where all that matters is you. It is about carving out little slices of time, precious moments where you can nurture and tend to your own needs before the needs of the world. Taking time in the hot tub, time in the spa or with a massage therapist, time to exercise, time to prepare and eat your favorite meal, time to read a book, time with precious friends, time to volunteer, time to pray or reflect or meditate. When we do these things, we are far better equipped to help others in the long run anyways.

Joanne did get help that night, and my hope is that in my life in yours, when the medication dulls and the pain roars, we will take some time to “D.E.A.L.” With It.

S.H.A.R.P. Goals To Enhance Your Edge

When it comes to goal setting, most of us are pretty familiar with the acronym “S.M.A.R.T.” Goals. It is a well-known concept, and is generally effective. “S.M.A.R.T.” Goals are generally defined as the following:
S - Specific – Achieving something specific.
M - Measurable – A clear measuring stick.
A - Attainable – Setting the bar effectively.
R - Realistic – A goal that stretches and yet is still realistic.
T - Time Frame – A clear time frame for completion.

There was a time in my life when I was terrible at goal-setting. Here’s why:
- Too Much, Too Soon… I’d try to tackle too many things at once, too fast…
- The “Sprint” Syndrome… I wouldn’t pace myself. I would see it all as a sprint, not a marathon.
- Setting Goals Out Of Guilt, Not Personal Initiative… This is popular in self-help circles. We hear so many “good ideas” that we try to do them all. We set goals because it’s a good idea, and not out of a genuine felt need.
- No Specifics… The goal was vague and unspecific. If you aim for nothing, you will probably hit nothing!
- No Teamwork… Here we set off to achieve our goals and do not include a team and a coach. We all need a support system to achieve our goals.
- I Beat Myself Up When I Failed… In the process of achieving our goals, we will mess it up a few times. Don’t let a stumble be your burial.
- Laziness... The bottom line is that you may have the loftiest goals, the highest ideals, the noblest dreams, and the purest ambitions, but remember, nothing works unless you do!
- I Believed I Would Fail... Dale Carnegie said, “Believe that you will succeed. Believe it firmly, and you will then do what is necessary to bring success about”. You gotta believe in you!

Abraham Lincoln said that, "A goal properly set is halfway reached”. This tells us that there is a proper way to set goals, and an improper way. In other words, if we take the time to set our goals correctly, we will succeed! Not only do I love “S.M.A.R.T. Goals”, but I also love “S.H.A.R.P. Goals”. When we have S.H.A.R.P. Goals that are focused, we have the same increase in power that a laser beam has over a light bulb.

SHARP Goals To Enhance Your Edge:

S – Significant & Salient

Our goals need to be Significant. They need to be meaningful, momentous, and substantial. When our goal is Significant, there is a sense of mission and calling which inspires us to get it done! Does your goal inspire you? Does your goal engage your passion? Daniel Burnham said this: “Make no little plans; they have no magic to stir men’s blood”. Develop goals that are dynamic, that are challenging and emotive!

And, our goals need to be Salient. Salient speaks to clear, noticeable, relevant, and obvious. Our goals need to be clear and obvious. We need to be crystal clear about what we are aiming for, and allow this clarity to guide us.

H - Healthy & Holistic

Our goals need to be birthed in the womb of Healthy motivation. Goals which are pursued for unhealthy reasons often cause us more pain than good, and flow with negative energy, stress, manipulation and control. Healthy motivation is empowering, and flows with positive energy. It is accompanied by a spirit of peace, rest, and patient intensity.

And, our goals need to be Holistic. This means that they should complement, and, take into consideration, their impact on the 7 Spans Of Life. A fully Holistic approach will facilitate and flow with the 7 Spans Of Life that make up the Wellness Wheel: Mental, Emotional, Physical, Spiritual, Relational, Professional, and Financial.

A - Accountable & Actionable

Accountability speaks to a vertical relationship. In other words, this is someone you report to on the progress of your goals. If something is important enough to us that we set a goal, it should be important enough that we invite someone in and give them permission to keep us accountable. Ultimately, the most important form of accountability is self-accountability, but early in our growth towards consistently achieving our goals, we may need to create a bridge in the form of accountability to others. Family. Friends. Partners. Co-workers.

Actionable speaks to goals that cause us to DO something. A “S.H.A.R.P. Goal” is not a concept, but a call to personal revolution. I love this from William James (1842-1910), psychologist & philosopher: “To change one’s life: 1. Start immediately. 2. Do it flamboyantly. 3. No exceptions.”

R – Risk-Oriented & Results-Oriented

Take a Risk! Nothing ventured, nothing gained! The time of sitting in 100% safety and security, hoping for monumental gains, is over. Setting realistic goals is important, but not so realistic that there is no risk involved! As I have heard it said in the past: “Why not go out on a limb? Isn't that where the fruit is?”

And, our goals need to be focused on achievable, measurable Results. Generally, when we set out to achieve any goal, we do a CBA: Cost-Benefit Analysis. We weigh the cost to achieve this goal against the benefits and results of achieving it. Thus, when we create “S.H.A.R.P. Goals” that are Results-Oriented, it helps us to create a feeling of progress, and it reinforces that we made the right decision when we set out to accomplish this goal.

P – Partnered & Persevered

Partnering speaks to a horizontal relationship. We will accomplish far more when we have partners. Every effective partnership in goal achievement consists of a team and a coach. We all need a support system to achieve our goals. Only in old Westerns do people go it alone and succeed!

And, we need to Persevere. The value of simple perseverance and stick-ability cannot be overstated. By perseverance the snail reached the Ark!

Richard Gaylord Briley said, “At this very moment you are WHO you are and WHERE you are because of what you’ve allowed to inhabit your goal-box”.

What’s in your Goal-Box? “S.H.A.R.P. Goals” will enhance your edge!

How To Start What You Want To Finish

“It’s not how you start, but how you finish.”

Years ago I heard this saying, which I’m sure we have all heard. This is a pithy portion of wisdom that resonates and makes sense, on several levels. Sometimes we can get off to a great start, and yet have a less than stellar finish. This is not a desirable outcome. Sometimes we launch out with energy and vitality and enthusiasm and full engagement, only to have the wind taken out of our sails before we cross the finish line. This is not a desirable outcome.

However, with some years, maturity, and hopefully wisdom, I have come to see that not only is finishing important, but so is starting. A healthy start is as important as a healthy finish. How you start and how you finish serve to balance each other. One is a ying, the other a yang. If only one is present, the rest will be incomplete.

Actually, there is a lot to be said for beginnings. How we begin things is crucial. We need to spend time perfecting the process before we pounce on the activity. The gestation period in the womb of our soul is crucial for winning and succeeding in life. Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche said, “Everyone thinks that the principal thing to the tree is the fruit, but in point of fact the principal thing to it is the seed.” All of us long for the fruit… but the seed is the key. The entire purpose of a seed is simply to germinate life, given the right conditions. Within one seed is enough life to plant a forest, grow a farm, and feed a community. So here are a few key words for getting the seed right.

Motivation… To begin our beginning correctly, we need to pay attention to our motivation. If our motivation is unhealthy, selfish, or flowing from bitterness, chances are, it will not turn out well in the end. Healthy motivation leads to life, success, and positive energy. Unhealthy motivations lead to hurt, heartache and pain.

Visualization… Do you see yourself vibrantly achieving and succeeding in your goal, or do you feel the hints of failure, not finishing, and not achieving? I cannot overstate the importance of visualization. As Alberta Einstein said, “Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you everywhere.” Before any major goal can be achieved, the goal must first become a reality in the subconscious mind. When we learn how to use the imagination, when we imagine a goal being achieved, so much that the feelings we have about the goal are the same as if the goal as already been achieved, then that goal becomes a reality. Your faith box and self-mirror determine your whole life: what you think, feel, experience and do; what you create, grow, build and dream. You are thinking, feeling, experiencing and doing what your faith-box contains and what your self-mirror shows. You are creating, growing, building and dreaming what your faith-box allows and what your self-mirror permits. Mahatma Ghandi said that, “If I have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it even if I may not have it at the beginning.” And Jesus said that, “All things are possible to him that believes…”

Planning… Though our plans rarely go exactly, “according to plan”, success is seldom accidental. Planning positions you for success in a way that the complete lack of a plan never can. I personally believe that this is because in our planning, we engage ourselves at the level of the subconscious and at the level of our belief system, but also engage the conscious and the cognitive and the logical. This fusion of the subconscious mind and the conscious mind produces success! Plan it to achieve it!

Perseverance… Sticking it out, through obstacles and difficulties and even boredom. See, boredom is the path to greatness! Martin Parnell, the semi-retired mining engineer from Cochrane, Alberta, recently finished his quest to run 250 marathons in 2010! Can you imagine? 250 marathons in one year! Interestingly enough, when asked what was the toughest part of running all these marathons, he said it was combating monotony. As Parnell said, running 250 marathons in 2010 was, “deadly boring” . Wow! Sometimes we quit, not because the mountain is too high or because the obstacles are too large, but because we are bored walking through the low parts. Stick it out!

Dream big in 2011, because those closest to you and the world around you need you to! But as you dream, insure you start correctly, so that then you can finish correctly. Happy New Year!

11 For 2011

11 Simple Ideas For Making 2011 Your Best Year Ever!

Lao-Tzu, in Tao Te Ching, said this:
“Manifest plainness,
Embrace simplicity,
Reduce selfishness,
Have few desires.”

With a New Year upon us, I can’t think of any advice that resonates health and wellness more than that! So many times, we go into a New Year with a list of New Year’s Resolutions, following some kind of “Goal Paradigm”, “Design It” spreadsheet, or “Master Planning Tool”. These are all designed to improve our life or business for a New Year. However, most of these simply serve to complicate our lives, and end up causing us guilt later on, when we look and see that perhaps we have not yet arrived or checked off all the boxes.

This is not to say that planning and foresight is unnecessary. Quite the contrary. A healthy, successful and fulfilled life does not happen by chance, but through careful thought and maximizing each moment. However, if you’re like me, you tend to complicate things. And, we often don’t reach all our goals because we neglect the simple values that underline the goals, plans and dreams. A healthy value set always leads to healthy results. Desired results are the outcome of deliberate values. In other words, if you dream now about where you would like to be at the end of 2011, the key to that outcome is healthy values underlying your daily beliefs, thoughts, choices and actions. So, here is a refresher for 2011, with 11 Simple Ideas For Making 2011 Your Best Year Ever.


11 Simple Ideas For Making 2011 Your Best Year Ever:

1) Gratitude - Be thankful for 2010. Be thankful for all the experiences you lived, all the things you learned, and all the people you were fortunate to love. Does it get any better than this offering by William A. Ward? “God gave you a gift of 86,400 seconds today. Have you used one to say "thank you?" The mindset of Gratitude is so crucial for balance, true abundance, and your happiness! So many times, our level of gratitude flexes and flows based on our circumstances or our happiness in the moment. Be reminded of the words of Kak Sri: “Gratitude is an art of painting an adversity into a lovely picture.”

2) Simplicity – Aim for simplicity in 2011. It is in simplicity that we engage the moment, embrace the creative, and excel at being who we really are. Our joy in life rises and falls exactly with how complicated we make it. When life becomes complex, it is no longer any fun! As Confucius said, “Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.” Jesus said, “Look at the lilies and how they grow. They don’t work or make their clothing, yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. And if God cares so wonderfully for flowers that are here today and gone tomorrow, won’t he more surely care for you?” What a modest and yet elegant way to live: trusting that life will look after itself! Less is more in 2011!

3) Engagement – Be fully engaged in 2011. Being fully engaged speaks of being fully aware, fully involved, and fully alive. It is being present, in the moment, and not letting any part of life just pass you by. Think back to how much time you “killed” in 2010, and remember that in 2011, when you “kill” time, you’ll never get it back. Being fully engaged, alive and passionate about what we do empowers us to not waste any moment, opportunity, or relationship.

4) Thoughtfulness – Be thoughtful in 2011, both for others and yourself. Be thoughtful for others by caring a little more than you have before, showing respect at a deeper level than you have before, and going the extra mile. Thoughtfulness paves the way for the growth, advancement and empowerment of others. Be thoughtful towards yourself as well. Care for yourself and make sure you are nourished, replenished and energized. When we do not care for ourselves and focus solely on caring for others, we soon lose the ability to properly care for them because our own tank runs precariously dry.

5) Spirituality – Wisdom says that it makes sense to give room to your unique expression of spirituality in 2011. One of the things I love about being a Certified Life Coach and Certified Executive Coach is the holistic nature of what we do. Healthy spirituality is a part of our make-up as human beings, and as we respect and flow with that part of ourselves, we will continue our journey into true and complete wholeness. Some people will spend a lot of time arguing over what constitutes “true” spirituality. The wise will simply celebrate qualities such as integrity, compassion, meekness, kindness, selflessness, meditation, contemplation, and stillness. Spirituality is not a building you frequent or religion you ascribe to, but a way of living that validates all components of life. Respect your spirituality in 2011.

6) Authenticity – The art of authenticity, in essence, is all about being true to yourself. So many times, we feel a pressure to be someone we are not, or a stress to not be who we are. Authenticity is about making a conscious choice to resist that pressure, and to succumb to the temptation to simply be you! I love what Judy Garland said about authenticity: “Always be a first-rate version of yourself instead of a second-rate version of someone else.” Make a commitment to just be you in 2011, because you are amazing!

7) Laughter & Tears – Literally thousands of years ago, before medicine became a science with research and test cases, the ancient proverb of Solomon offered this guidance: “A merry heart does good, like a medicine.” Now, with our test tubes and super computers, we have validated what this man of wisdom shared all along: laughter is healthy, and benefits us at all levels: mentally, emotionally, physically, physiologically, relationally and spiritually. In the same way, tears benefit us as well. We heal through our laughter and our tears. Those who do not give healthy time to both laughter and tears end up bottled up, stressed out, and carrying an invisible label over themselves in life that screams out “Contents Under Pressure!” This is not a healthy way to live. Live healthier in 2011!

8) Purpose & Faith – Live on purpose and with faith in 2011! As the writings of the ancient Hebrew Proverb so eloquently say: “Where there is no vision, the people perish.” Some are dragging their feet into 2011, wondering how much worse it can get! Myself, I choose a bright, optimistic and sunny disposition! It’s always sunny side up for me! Is there any other way? In reality, your faith-box determines your whole life! So, stuff your faith-box with treasures of hope and confidence and expectation and courage and anticipation! Embrace 2011 with purpose and vision and hope and faith, believing that this year will be better than any other! Please don’t enter 2011 with the negative energy of worry, fear and stress. Be secure and understand that no matter what difficulties you faced in 2010, they were meant to shape and transform you into someone stronger, wiser, and brighter. Be secure and believe that 2011 will be amazing! Because it will, for those who see it that way!

9) Clarity – Enter 2011 with clarity. Don’t give 80% of your time to the things that drain you, those things that really are not at the top of your ability and gifted-ness. Give 80% of your time to those things that fuel your strength, those things that you make you feel alive. As Andy Stanley said: “If you really want to make a lasting impact, then you need to eliminate what you do well for the sake of what you can potentially do best.” If you struggle to define this, please pick up a copy of my recent book, Getting Where You Need To Go, found on Amazon or Chapters online. Once again, the words of the Buddha provide guidance here: “Your work is to discover your work, and then with all your heart, to give yourself to it.”

10) Humility – Humility is a key word for 2011. There are many mis-perceptions of humility. Some think it is about letting people walk on you and mistreat you, but nothing could be further from the truth. It is about a person who knows who they are, and who they are not. It is a man or woman who is comfortable in his or her own skin. As a result, they are very secure. As Gilbert Keith Chesterton said: “It is always the secure who are humble.” We can all resonate with the words of Benjamin Franklin: “A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.”

11) Selflessness – George Bernard Shaw wrote: “This is the true joy of life: being used up for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; being a force of nature instead of a feverish, selfish little clot of ailments and grievances, complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy.” What more could I add to that? Be selfless in 2011, for in selflessness we find ourselves; in care for others we care for ourselves; in refreshing others we ourselves are refreshed.


Leonardo da Vinci said that, “Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication”. I hope that these 11 Simple Ideas will help you as you embrace 2011, with all its challenges and unknowns. Look within, craft the outlook, and then take the steps to make 2011 your best year ever!

Abe The Coach: Who’s In Your Bundle?

Abe The Coach: Who’s In Your Bundle?: "According to legend, on his deathbed, Khan Kubrat commanded his sons to gather sticks and bring them to him, which he then bundled together..."

Who’s In Your Bundle?

According to legend, on his deathbed, Khan Kubrat commanded his sons to gather sticks and bring them to him, which he then bundled together. He commanded his eldest son, Bayan, to break the bundle. Bayan failed against the strength of the combined sticks, and so did the other sons in turn.

Khan Kubrat undid the bundle and broke each stick separately. He then proclaimed to his sons, "unity makes strength", which has become a commonplace Bulgarian folk slogan and now appears on the Bulgarian coat of arms.

Your “bundle” can be defined as that network of caring relationships which wrap you in support, and give you strength which you do not have alone. It is crucial in life that we take time to identify and then cultivate our bundle, to build partners for life. Your bundle replenishes you. Relationships are a crucial key in unlocking your destiny.

So, how do we build our bundle?

First, focus on building the bundle of others. Be others’-first, others’-focused, others’-motivated. Remember that if you are looking for a bundle, so is everyone else! Be a bundle for others and they may return the kindness. Ann Landers said, “Warmth, kindness and friendship are the most yearned for commodities in the world. The person who can provide them will never be lonely.”

Second, don’t pre-judge your bundle. Sometimes, bundles comes from places we would never guess! Several years ago, I went through a difficult personal season. I remember thinking that my support would come from certain acquaintances I had at the time. Not only was I shocked that the help I needed did not come from that particular group, but I was pleasantly surprised when it came from another set of friends I never thought it would come from. As Samuel Johnston said, “True happiness consists not in the multitude of friends, but in their worth and choice." I had pre-judged that some would be in my bundle and others would not. Thankfully, my new-found bundle helped me through!

Third, people skills are crucial. Nobody owes you or me anything. In other words, every friend we have is a precious treasure and a privilege. The moment we take our friends for granted, and lose an attitude of gratitude, is the moment that we make it difficult for people to be in our bundle. Ralph Waldo Emerson said that, "The only way to have a friend is to be one."

There can be no doubt that at some point in our lives, something will attempt to break us. Don’t try to stand alone. Cultivate a bundle. Epicurus, a Greek philosopher said, "It is not so much our friends' help that helps us as the confident knowledge that they will help us." The support of a bundle will enable us to stand far longer than we could on our own. We will be thankful we took the time to build a bundle.

Leaving A Positive Footprint In 2011

It’s hard not to get the “resolution urge” around the dawn of a New Year. There’s a sense of renewal, of rebirth, and just plain guilt over missed opportunities, neglected relationships, un-achieved goals, and personal changes that we might have made, but did not. So, we resolve to do things different; to do things right; to make healthier choices.

New Year’s Resolutions are still popular. Stats tell us that 100 million Americans make New Year’s Resolutions each year. But, only 63% keep them after 2 months, and only 20% after 6 months. But, people are still fascinated with New Year’s Resolutions. I went on Google the other day to do a search and simply typed in, “New Year’s Resolutions”, and 8.65 million hits came up in 0.10 seconds! There were thousands and thousands of sites devoted to New Year’s Resolutions, or articles about them.

But here I want to go a little deeper than a New Year’s Resolution that 100 million make, but only 20% keep. It is often at the Sunset of an Old Year, and the Sunrise of a New Year that we receive new insights and shifts in thinking. This positions us for even greater success going forward. It is normal that we self-evaluate and analyze more at the pivotal moments of the end of an old year and the beginning of a New Year. For me, a New Year is an amazing opportunity to step back and look within. This helps me to look forward. I spend quality time in analysis, introspection, re-calibration, and re-focusing for a New Year. As we stand upon the Sunset of 2010, and head into the Sunrise of 2011, I want to share one insight for this New Year…

What’s The Big Idea?

My only suggestion for you in this New Year, is not to make a huge list of resolutions and changes to implement. My suggestion is one focal point; one big idea. Simply resolve this year to find a place to create and leave a positive footprint. Rather than spend your time solely focused on goals and resolutions that may or may not come to pass, simply have a singular focal point. From this focal point, many other things will flow.

This focal point revolves around creating a leaving a positive footprint in 2011. Determine now that whatever positive energy and imprint you left in 2010, that 2011 will be greater. Choose now to expand, broaden and deepen your positive and life-giving legacy in the lives of others.

See, people often spend their time building tents when they could be building temples. In other words, so many spend their time on the temporary when they could be spending their time building a legacy.

Some things that we do in this life are temporary; they are perishable. They have a “best before” date, and only last short periods of time, and benefit mainly ourselves. This is “building the tent”, so to speak. Other things we spend our time on are legacy items, things which last for significant periods of time and benefit others: “building the temple”, so to speak. The difference is mainly in the focus around temporary and personal benefit versus those things which last and benefit others. Let’s examine our focus…

Building A Tent...
Temporary Items
Short Lasting
“Best Before Date”
Short-Term Pleasures
“Today” Oriented
For The Now
Getting Through Today
Benefit To Mainly Ourselves

Building A Temple…
Legacy Items
Long Lasting
“No Expiry Date”
Long-Term Gains
“Tomorrow” Oriented
For The Future
Planning For Tomorrow
Benefits Ourselves & Others

I spent 12 years as a full-time ordained minister. In that time, I offered pastoral care to thousands of people. I remember vividly every funeral and wake I was part of, but one I remember more clearly than the others. I was used to conducting funeral services packed full of people, often with hundreds in attendance. These funerals became celebrations of the life and contributions of the one who had passed. Though there was sadness, there was also gratitude for the life lived and its contributions.

One funeral in particular stands out. It was in the town of Truro, Nova Scotia. This is a smaller community, with decent, kind, and caring people. I was called by one of our local funeral homes to conduct a service for an older gentleman who had passed away. He had requested a minister preside at his funeral. Because I did not know him, I was unsure what to expect, but as I arrived, I was shocked to see an open casket, with one mourner in attendance. I checked my watch and made sure I wasn’t early. Actually, I was five minutes late. I decided to wait another 10 minutes to see if anyone else would arrive. At 11:15am, 15 minutes after the funeral was supposed to begin, there was one mourner, an open casket, and myself present to celebrate and remember a life of more than 70 years.

I went through the motions of the funeral service, but was forever shaken by that experience. I couldn’t imagine living 70 years, and connecting with so few people and touching so few lives that there would be only one attendee at my funeral, along with a paid minister. That event shook me to my core and I resolved that I wanted to build a Temple and not a Tent with my life. I have not lived a perfect life by anyone’s estimation, but my heart and my aim has been to build a Temple-based life, benefiting others, not just living for today and for myself, but for tomorrow and for others. There can be no doubt that I will manage my time and my goals more effectively in 2011 if I spend my time building a Temple, as opposed to a Tent.


Leaving A Positive Footprint…

Who Will You Engage? Imagine now who you will engage in 2011 and impact in a positive way. Who will be the object of your life-giving energy? What family members, friends, co-workers, business associates or other people will you pour yourself into. The truth, as Anthony Robbins said, is that, “Only those who have learned the power of sincere and selfless contribution experience life's deepest joy: true fulfillment.” This means that as we give, we receive. As we offer ourselves, we gain. As we pour out, others pour in. Settle now who you will engage.

Why Will You Engage? The most spiritual of all values, no matter your personal religion or faith, is the value of leaving a positive footprint in the lives of others. As a person who did spend 12 years of my life in full-time, professional ministry, I was often surrounded by church-goers who felt that their attendance to church or mass or parish events was evidence of their spirituality. Somehow, they were confused into thinking that showing up at organized religious events was synonymous with the values of loving, cherishing, and pouring your life into others. My challenge to you is to re-evaluate all of your spirituality in 2011 through the prism of the impact you will have on the lives of others. If we believe we are spiritual, and yet are not selfless, compassionate, gentle and patient, perhaps our spirituality needs an overhaul. In the words of Thomas Jefferson: “I have ever judged of the religion of others by their lives. For it is in our lives, and not from our works, that our religion must be read.”

How Will You Engage? In 2011, it will be difficult for us to leave a positive footprint on the lives of others without the sowing of our Time, Talent, and Treasure. The amazing thing about giving our Time, Talent, and Treasure, is that as we do, we ourselves benefit in so many ways. It isn’t always obvious, but one of the most brilliant surprises of life is that when we replenish others, we ourselves are replenished. When we refresh others, we are refreshed. Hen we sow, we reap. As Sri Guru Granth Sahib said: “Through selfless service, eternal peace is obtained.”


So, throw our the goal setting charts and graphs for 2011! You do not need a list of resolutions or targets or plans or goals! Simply this, an overwhelming, deep urge springing forth from your inside to leave a positive footprint on the lives of others. This will make 2011 your best and most productive year ever!